Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
