Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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