super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
