I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
