i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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