I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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