i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
3 2 1 whiskey
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
