apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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