I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
