we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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