1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
