I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
