So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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