I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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