My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
