Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
