A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
