i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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