I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
