I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
