is your mom at the bar?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
