Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
