I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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