i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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