people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
