How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
