Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
