be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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