Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
