allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
