Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
