On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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