we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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