I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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