I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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