Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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