hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
