she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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