I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
