I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
