the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
