the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
