My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
