You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
