I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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