I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
