Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
