shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
