the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
