i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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