apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
