Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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