Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
