I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
