Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
