Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
